I Want To Serve, But I Am Scared.. Is That OK?

I have donated money, I have prayed and I have been inspired by missionaries. At many points in my life, I have even felt I wanted to drop everything and serve the Lord. However, I go to work comfortably every day and have not really done anything like that......

It is one thing to say I want to serve, and to read verses like; “Go ye into all the world and preach the Gospel to every creature.” (Mark 16:15; Luke 24:46-48; Acts 1:8; 2 Corinthians 5:20) and fully believe in your heart that if you had more money or time you would do it and to actually do it.

There is no turning back for me now. My flight is booked and the papers are signed. I am heading to Guatemala and I AM TERRIFIED!

At first it was all exciting and prayers that we would actually be able to go and then it happened. I started researching the country, the crime, the gangs and every possible horrible thing that could happen to me. God and I have been having these heart to heart talks lately; " Lord are you sure this is what I am supposed to be doing, Lord I am scared, Lord I am just one person will I really be any help at all in a country that has been so devastated.

I am not afraid to write this, because I am not afraid to be real about my relationship with God. It is ok to be scared that this country doesn’t have toilet paper, and that they serve their chicken with the feet attached. It is ok to be scared that every article I read tells me not to go out after dark, not to carry a map and not to take a purse. O and not to ask for help from the Police because most of them are corrupt and involved in the violence of the country. Jesus was afraid, and God showed him how to fight.

The book of John is my go to... but for the next couple weeks I will start by reading the last chapter. It says, “come now let us leave,” basically Jesus is saying come on let’s go to work! We are in God’s plan to let us leave, not let us stay.

Fight how Jesus fought, he didn’t live in a let us stay world. Jesus came so he could leave; leave the idea that anything on this earth is a better way!

So of course I will continue to read all about the terrible horrible things that could happen in Guatemala or even here in Nashville but I will remember what Jesus said, “Come now let us leave.”

In him,

Nelly

To know me .. is to know ?

If you know me, you probably know a lot about me. I am an open book. I have spent the majority of my life having the time of my life, but missing out. I was saved when I was 15-years-old and baptized when I turned 17. I swore I was not going to be like everyone else, I prayed I would make an impact on the college campus God led me too. Well if you knew me in college you know that didn't happen. So there went that opportunity.

Now I am 24-years-old. And there is one verse that plays over and over in my mind.

James 2:19New International Version (NIV)

¹⁹ You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.

For years, I have believed in God. If you knew me you wouldn't think I was an atheist or maybe you would, however you would think I lived my life for my earth suite and not for eternity. We all can say we believe in God, and God is above saying well, now what?

I believe that if you knew me back then and you don’t know me now. You don’t know me.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” – Galatians 2:20

So welcome to my blog and welcome to my journey. I pray God gives me the words to say to touch your life, because I am not perfect, but I am trying and I am a tool.

The Word of God Is Alive and Active

The Word of God Is Alive and Active- Day 1

The Devil knew I was starting this fast on November 1, 2011 and he went to work. This is not an exaggeration people in my office brought donuts, cookies, candy and for petes sakes BAGELS to work on Monday. One day 1, this was nothing I could not handle (we will get to day 2). I would pass by the cookies and smile, look at the donuts and dominate, and believe it or not the bagels were nothing to me. Even all the people in my office were like nelly, are you okay? And it felt awesome to let them know what I was doing, and explain to them who Daniel was and why I was doing this. Just the opportunity to talk about the Bible during work already is making this whole thing worth it. I went to the gym, I ate lettuce and tomatoes and a banana for dinner and then went to meet up with some girlfriends to catch-up. As the wine bottle was passed around, I began to explain why it wasn’t going to be an option for a few weeks. O yes! Another door was opened to talk about what God was doing in my life, and what I was doing to know him more.

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.-Hebrews 4:12

I FEEL THAT VERSE IN MY LIFE! I am falling in love with my heavenly father, and I am getting answers to questions I have wondered about my entire life. How did God know, how did he know I would be able to feel my spirit and my bone divided? I do not have words for what God is doing, but my heart is changing. The Holy Spirit is in my head about everything, about going back to pick up the straw wrapper I dropped even though the wind has blown it a block away to hating the music I used to live for.

Sure I hate vegetables, and am so over fruit right now this is the most at peace I have ever felt in my life.

AMEN!

In him,

Nelly

Worthy is the Lamb- What Does That Even Mean?

I know what you’re thinking. How doesn’t she understand that cliché, BUT people I struggle. I graduated and did not get the high-paying dream job I felt I deserved, then there are family issues, then I spend four days in the hospital and experience the most pain I have ever felt and am still paying for that visit.  All while I am living in a state I had never ever been to before with the nearest family member is five states over. When your life is hard it is so easy to believe that you are too far gone for God. I have crazy thoughts, I am really busy and I am surviving. I knew God wanted to know me, I promise I Knew that much, but I didn’t know I wanted/needed to know him.

 Do you have a bad best friend? Someone who has been in your life forever who you used to have all these memories with, who didn’t call on your birthday or refuses to answer your phone calls, but because of everything you have been through with this person you love them so much. For the majority of my life I feel like I was that bad best friend to God. He kept calling I wouldn’t answer, he kept trying to hang out, but I had other friends I wanted to hang out with. I didn’t understand God. Now, this is one of those times when I am like “come on Nelly” you knew all along what Jesus BLATANTLY told us to do.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”- Mathew 16:24

I hope you didn’t begin reading this hoping to feel warm and fuzzy because while yes God is a loving God, he is also a real God, who wants to know the real you, not the “o God thank you for this day you.”

“For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and Godly lives in this present age.” – Titus 2:11-12

So you remember earlier in this blog when I was saying; o I didn’t get the job I deserved, and O I wanted it to be this way but it went this way or poor me I went to the hospital (and actually ended up being perfectly fine) did you want to slap me? Because WORTHY IS THE LAMB!  Listen to me when I tell you all the little things the jobs, the boyfriends, the bad bosses, the low income none of that is your biggest problem, your biggest problem is death. And Jesus came and solved that problem. If someone died for you right now and left you a note, wouldn’t you kind of do whatever they asked you to do in that note? Especially if it was in your best interest! Well Jesus asked to say no to worldly possessions, and yes to seeking him and having a heart for him! So by God who is with me?

It's Possible You May Not Get It, But I Pray You Experience It

Good Night I love you, Ok talk to you later love you, Happy Birthday Love you……

Paul wrote to the church, May you have the POWER to understand, May you EXPERIENCE the love of God, because then you will be made complete.

Break this down carefully, you need power to understand. Truth is you probably don’t really get it … Paul hoped we could experience it, because he knew we wouldn’t get it. Think about that every time you say; bye I love you, or talk you later love you... Do you love the way God Loves?

Every day I wake up and pray I get it. That I really get how much God loves me. I just recently started doing this, and now there is nothing else I want more than to get it. I used to wake up and pray that I would hear God speaking to me, or that I would make God proud, some days I just prayed not to disappoint him too bad.

Poor God had to hear me saying the same prayer every night, Lord protect my family and help me to be more like you every day more. I would pray for the Holy Spirit to dwell inside the people I love to give us peace and hope in Jesus. See I told you I didn’t get it. Do you feel the disconnect through that prayer?

“The Lord is compassionate and Merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He doesn’t punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, AS WE DESERVE” Psalm 103: 8-13

His unfailing love is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth, and has removed our sins as far as the east is to the west! Psalm 103: 8-13

All those people who you say love you goodbye, or love you talk to you later do not love you the way GOD LOVES YOU! And there are no words, there is nothing I can write to make that make sense to you, but I pray you experience it!

I will never be able to love my family or my friends the way God loves them, but I pray they can experience it through me. That God may use me in your life as you read this, because once you get it your life will never be the same. Stop praying for God to guide you or protect you, stop praying for safety and peace, pray that you get it! Because you are loved like no other!

I am going to try (my very best) to give you a picture of this love. Has someone ever let you borrow something so precious, or something so expensive? When someone lets me borrow their car, I am so careful. I use the valet service so nothing gets scratched, I don’t ride with the tank on empty, and I use all my mirrors because someone let me borrow their precious baby car. God has given you his most precious gift, his love. And you get that love everyday so don’t stop taking care of it.

In him,

Nelly